This is a joint.
I’ll get to the point.
Weed will never kill you.

Now before you jeer,
I’ll make it quite clear.
That weed will never kill you.

You know what will kill you? Guns. Cigarettes. Opioids. Just being a black person at home. You know what won’t ever kill you? Weed. Do you know how many people of die every year from using marijuana? None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nemo. In the history of the world, there has never been a death by marijuana. It is physiologically impossible to fatally overdose on weed.

On average, 96 Americans killed with guns every day. The quick math on that is 35,000 people a year die from guns. Death by guns is dwarfed by deaths from cigarette smoking, which kills 480,000 people a year. Oh, and if you’re still smoking cigarettes, please save your life and switch to smoking weed. And in between deaths from guns and cigarette smoking, there are over 49,000 deaths a year by opioids.

So, let us look at some everyday things that take the lives of Americans.

Like hotdogs. 77 people have choked to death on a hotdog. And in 2014, a South Dakota man lost his life when he choked to death in a hot-dog eating contest. So, weed is safer than hot dogs. Because weed will never kill you.

Ever dance in the rain? Well, lightning has caused 51 deaths. Auto-erotica asphyxiation has caused 160 deaths so far. And dogs kill 30-40 people a year. So, weed is safer than dancing in the rain, solo sex and hanging out with your furry companion. Because weed will never kill you.

These four things are deadlier than weed.

Vending machines have killed 13 people, mostly from them toppling over. Roller coasters have cost at least four people their lives. And while the odds are infinitesimal that you will have a vending machine fall on you or that you would fall out of a roller coaster seat, weed is still safer than getting an on-the-go snack and spending your day at an amusement park. Because weed will never kill you.

450 Americans die falling out of bed every year. And here’s the thing, if you were high when you fell out of bed, it wouldn’t be the weed that kills you, it would be the fall that did you in. Just like if a 1000 pounds of weed (or anything really: cupcakes, puppies, books) fell on your head, you would die, though it would be from the weight, not the weed (or cupcakes, puppies, books). Because weed will never kill you.

73 people have died taking selfies. And as of April 16, 2018,  there have been 17 deaths of/by people playing Pokémon go. So much death, that there is a site called PokemonGo Death Tracker. So, weed is safer than playing online games IRL.

On any given year, sharks kill between 5-8 people. And as a side note, according to NatGeo, 93% of shark attacks worldwide were on men, so that’s something to consider the next time you dudes are snorkeling. Horses and cows kill about 20 people each year and most randomly, about 15 people have died by icicles all over the world. So, weed is safe than being on the ocean or on a farm. Or you know, living through a bad winter.

Now, that’s not to say you shouldn’t eat a hog dog, ride a roller coaster, dance in the rain, go swimming in the ocean or hang out around livestock. I’m saying that people do all those things and more knowing that death could be lurking around the fairgrounds or the meadow or the next wave. And yet, when it comes to smoking a joint, or any consumption of cannabis, people are all up in arms about public health and safety, when in fact, it is one of the safest activities you can enjoy.

Because – and this is the important takeaway here – it is physiologically impossible to fatally overdose on weed. Which means, and say it with me now everyone, weed will never kill you.